Children with Autism need Rewards and Consequences

           First off let me remind my readers I am a parent of a child with Autism. That being said, why do some parents of children with Autism think their child does not need consequences? I hear over and over that so and so is autistic that's why they act that way. No, your child is misbehaving as any child could do,and they need to know there is consequences for their behaviors.

           Having a rewards and consequence system in place is crucial for any child. This includes children on the Autism spectrum. If there are no consequences for their behavior the child will continue to learn that they can do whatever they want and nothing will come of it. How is this preparing them for the real world. If they break a law, there will be consequences.

          All children need to learn there is always an outcome for everything they do in life. Some good and some not so good. The choice is up to them by their actions. Using a diagnosis of Autism to answer for all of their bad behaviors is setting them up for failure later in life. Not to mention, it's going to make your life as a parent, difficult.

         I have seen children with Autism spit, yell, hit, and defy their parents and nothing is done. If anyone questions the behavior the answer is "oh, their medication is messed up", or "they have Autism, they can't help it." Some behaviors I know cannot be helped. But just being defiant and disrespectful are not those behaviors.

          All children can learn respect. They can learn about manners. They must learn that the answer is not always yes. Having a reward and consequence system in place will make your life, your child's life, and everyone's life that will deal with your child in the future, much more enjoyable.

            In the coming days I will discuss some different types of reward and consequence systems you can try. Letting your child get away with their bad behaviors is one of the reasons children on the Autism spectrum get judged unfairly when they do have a behavior that they cannot help.

Ack! My daughter is a hoarder

Have you ever watched the show Hoarders? This is my daughter. Going into her bedroom makes me want to cry. She insists on keeping everything. This includes water bottles, card board, paper, pieces of things, fabric scraps and bits, and anything else that one would usually throw away. I have no clue how she can stand to be in the room. 


 This weekend we will be tearing down the wall in between her room and the storage room to make her bedroom bigger. I know, I know, I can hear you now. If you give her more room she will get more stuff. I am hoping since she will have more room for shelving and a bookcase, that she will actually keep it cleaner. Notice I did not say clean. I will settle for cleaner.


 Every two weeks or so I go into her room and do a thorough cleaning. If I did not her bed would disappear. Each time I do a cleaning it is like torture for her. She doesn't want to part with any bit or scrap. She has fifty reason why she should be allowed to keep whatever it is I am trying to toss. So we discuss why she should or shouldn't keep the item and move on. It can take hours. I can't say I understand why hoarders want to keep everything, but I do understand the look of sadness and fear on my daughter's face when I try to get rid of something. 


 My daughter's case manager and I have a joke about how I will be cleaning her house even after she moves out someday. As funny as it can be, it most likely is the truth. Do any of you have a child that hoards? Have you had any luck helping them change?

How to tell if you are successful at parenting

Want to know if you are headed in the right direction when it comes to parenting? Just ask yourself this one simple question. Has your child ever told you they hate/despise you? If you can answer yes to that question, you can be assured you are doing something right.

When my daughter is unhappy with me or anyone else in her life, she tells us that we are despised. It really doesn't matter who it is. She told her Occupational therapist, mental health case manager, mom, dad, Physical therapist, and anyone else whom she sees fit to tell.

She even has a despise list. We have yet to figure out how to get off the list. I do recall hearing something about if you win me subs for life I might consider removing you. Chances are slim that I will win, so I guess I will remain on the list.

I really don't mind being on the list or her telling me she despises me. This means I am getting through to her and doing my job. So do any of your children have despise lists? Do they tell you they are not happy with you? Never fret, simply remember you are doing a great job.

Not Sure Which Direction Were Headed

Here we go again. Things were going so good for awhile. Now were back dealing with all the problems we had before. Caitlyn is so hyper and wound up she cannot sit still or focus. The aggression and fits are returning. We had her to the regular monthly med check last month and while things were doing alright, she had begun not being able to focus as well as before. She was also having bathroom accidents at night and during school. The doctor felt it was all related to the ADHD and she needed an increase in the medicine. Since that day everything has spiraled out of control.

We are getting letters from school daily about the lack of focus. They want to know if she has taken her meds. When we ask Caitlyn how her day went she completely breaks down. She is frustrated with the other kids in her class. She has all this stuff bottled up and saves it for us.

We got her in to see a doctor this past Monday. Her regular doctor is out of town for a few weeks. The new doctor gave us a couple options. We are trying an increase to one of her meds( Concerta) to see if it can help her to focus and remain seated for more than a few minutes.

Both doctors have mentioned Bipolar. Caitlyn will be so happy one minute and then in the midst of a fit the next minute. Yesterday she was whining and carrying on over homework. In the next breath she was saying she was sorry and then a completely different mood. How can some one's mood change so quick?

We are trying everything we can to help her. We have help from a TSS and BSC. They come to the home each week and we work on ways of dealing with behaviors. They work on teaching Caitlyn ways of expressing her feelings besides having a meltdown.

Each night we know that there will be some type of episode. Homework is a huge issue. It takes us two hours to do what should be done in 40 minutes at most. We will hear all the events of the day. These can be something as small as Caitlyn not being able to use a pen to do her work. It will set her off until she has told us the entire drawn out story. Even after, sometimes hours later, she will go back to that event and start all over again.

I guess I have rambled on enough for today. If anyone has any advice they would like to share feel free.